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Grumpy - and Not the Seventh Dwarf

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This entry was posted on 2/25/2007 10:03 AM and is filed under negativity,reframing,Exercise.

In Friday's entry, dava money answered the question, “What’s so good about being grumpy?” In the second of a two-part interview on grumpiness, dava provides a couple of antidotes to negative moods that don’t involve chocolate, ice cream or picking on someone else.

 

Carol: Is there an exercise that can help people become more positive?

 

dava: Focusing is an exercise that you can use with grumpiness or any emotion.  Find time to sit quietly and take several deep breaths.  Get grounded in your body and ask yourself a question like, “What is this grumpiness about?”  Allow yourself to be open to any answer regardless of how odd it is. 

 

In your quiet state, notice any sensations in your body.  Allow yourself to focus on the most intense sensation.  Simply observe it and notice how it shifts and changes. If it does not change, ask the sensation directly, “What are you trying to tell me?”  You may be amazed at the wisdom your body offers.  Continue through this process until all significant sensations in your body have been attended to.  Our feelings have meaning and we need to listen to them. Otherwise, they will become stronger-- even to the point of disease.  It is part of the majesty of being human. 

 

You might add another exercise when you recognize that your grumpiness is telling you that you have gone astray from your life’s purpose.  If you have already defined your purpose you can ask yourself, “What thought am I having that makes me feel grumpy?”  Identify that.  Then ask, “What thought will bring me relief?”  Relief is an indication that we have made a direction correction. 

 

For example, if I believe I am to be of service to people seeking to find their own purpose in life, and I am consumed with worry about my primary relationship, then I do not have the wherewithal to listen to another person deeply.  I can identify that I am thinking, “I don’t think we are going to make it and life is going to get terribly messy,” and see how that adds to my suffering.  I can then substitute the thought, “My beloved and I are on our own paths, care deeply for each other and will together make wise decisions,” and find relief.  It does not guarantee that the relationship will continue, however it reduces my suffering and frees up my inner resources in order to be of service to others and to my own relationship.

 

dava money, M.Ed., is co-developer of The Authenticity Series© and Still Motion e-zine (http://www.stillmotionmag.com). You can also visit her web site, www.mainstreetchi.com.

 

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    • 2/25/2007 12:24 PM peter vajda wrote:
      "“My beloved and I are on our own paths, care deeply for each other and will together make wise decisions,” and find relief.

      This is an effective exercise, IMHO, if the thought and the emotion underneath the thought are in alignment. However, if there's a conflict between the thought (positive) and the underlying emotion (fear), the emotion will win out. It's here that one might continue to explore the underlying emotion to see what the "truth" is.

      "It does not guarantee that the relationship will continue, however it reduces my suffering "

      And, here, too, maybe it's just that suffering that one needs to explore, go through, inquire into, digest and metabolize to see what's underneath (e.g., self-limiting, or self-sabotaging self image, or belief around relationship) that can set one free in a true and real sense than maybe just have a quick appearance of experience of freedom through a quick affirmation.

      I appreciate this interview. Good stuff!
      Reply to this
      1. 2/26/2007 1:59 PM dava money wrote:
        Ah, yes, you have come upon a sticky place in our daily practice. When are we finished with resting into the feeling and mining it for all its gold and where are we beginning to practice the pain? A fine line, indeed. When are we truly moving forward in creating a new reality or pseudo freedom from suffering?

        Our bodies can be helpful in finding that line and pointing out where we are in alignment and where we are not. If there is peace after mining the feeling then it has done its job and we have done our job and it is no longer needed and will rest back into a seed form ready to be called upon in the future. There is transparency in that moment. At that place we have a choice of moving on to a creative thought that will help align ourselves and the universe with the power of our intention.

        However, often we have found floundering in the feelings to be rewarding in some way so may choose at that point to continue to practice the feeling...to cultivate it. We may trade in our authenticity in order to have some security need met in an old way. In our continuing evolution, though, that behavior is not serving us and more of us are learning to drop it for the transparency.

        We are also given feedback about our own alignment of intention and feeling by what we are experiencing in the world. The universe is a mirror so if we experience continued conflict we are likely conflicted (the thought and emotion being unaligned in our earlier example).

        It is a good thing that we are all becoming better at perceiving the subtle and sublime as we move into increasing complexity.
        Reply to this
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